January 2024, by Judy & Vero
Those of us who have strong bonds with our dogs have undoubtedly experienced the myriad of ways in which they contribute to our well-being. They help us relax, they love us unconditionally, they protect us, they encourage us to get into nature and exercise, they bring us deep joy and much more.
However, our (Western) worldview is often so anthropocentric that we sometimes forget to consider how WE influence the emotional well-being of our dogs. After all, it is a two-way street!
We humans have the ability to self-regulate our emotions and to create the circumstances in which our pets can do the same. In fact, when we become good at self-regulation, we also build resiliency, allowing us to bounce back to a grounded state after experiences which bring up negative emotions.
Think about a disagreement with a partner or a colleague—our reactions to these situations can eat at us for days, sometimes causing physical problems as well.
Our pet’s emotions affect ours, and our attitudes & emotions affect them. This concept is known as co-regulation. We can use it to anchor our dogs if we learn to be engaged, calm and present when we are with them—something akin to leading our pets in a dance.
It sounds simple enough. The caveat lies in how we can learn to be engaged, calm and present when the demands of our busy lives often lead us to high levels of stress and constant, if not chaotic, activity.
We can practice regulating ourselves quickly through mindfulness exercises and awareness of our own triggers. Moreover, when we practice these exercises in our pet’s presence, we not only build resiliency, but we also strengthen our bond with them and create regular spaces in which they too can relax.
Did you know that ideally our dogs should be in a state of resilient relaxation 75-80% of the time?
Quickly recognizing when our emotional states are out of balance is the first challenging step. Cultivating an awareness of what it feels like to be present and relaxed allows us to quickly recognize when that is not the case.
How do you know when you are present and relaxed? Where in your body do you feel this sensation? What changes do you notice in your mind and your heart when you are calm?
Here are some tips to foster self-regulation, simple exercises that can help us regain balance when we are thrown one of life’s many curve balls:
We can purposefully teach our dogs to relax. This is especially helpful for dogs who show signs of any kind of anxiety or reactivity.
Teaching a dog to relax as a form of self-regulation is not about teaching a cue to “settle.” Rather, it’s about the dog repeatedly experiencing calmness as a positive state of being. When this occurs regularly, it becomes self-reinforcing, and dogs will gain self-confidence and begin to choose calmness over anxiety by themselves as a form of resilient self-regulation.
There are specific ways in which we can facilitate this process in our dogs:
If you try to see the world from your dog’s perspective, it will help you to become more aware of what triggers your dog so you can either avoid those triggers or positively condition your dog to them (vet visits, for example).
Triggers will vary for each individual but some common triggers include the following:
Taking the time to practice being calm will improve the quality of life for us and our dogs. It will also provide us with a greater balance between being and doing, something we all could use to live happier lives and make the world a better place. This is only one of the many teachings our dogs will share with us when we open our hearts to listening and receiving their wisdom.
Note: If you liked this article, you might enjoy a free sample coaching session with Judy.
Read more here: Personal Development Coaching with Your Pet's Support
